by Hex
This was familiar to Quatre, old hat to him even, but his partner hesitated.
"It's all right. It's fine," Quatre reassured him. "It will be wonderful."
Quatre's partner stilled behind him.
"You've done this before."
It wasn't a question.
"Yes."
Quatre didn't leave the answer open. The past only meant that he knew what to expect. It didn't make what was happening right then any less precious. His partner hesitated and Quatre felt disappointment rock him for a moment. Then he moved away too, pushing his partner back and away. The other man looked angry; he looked rejected. Quatre rearranged himself, lying on the bed on his back. He put his legs on either side of his partner and gave a small smile.
"This way. I want you to know that I'm seeing you, not anyone else." Quatre hoped it was what his lover needed to hear, that the right words and actions would make sure that this night had not become some horrifying failure. "This is about you and me."
Quatre's lover leaned down and kissed him. It was shy, like the first kisses had been that night, awkward and nervous with his lips trembling slightly. Maybe Quatre had rushed into the other relationships. Maybe he had let himself get swept away by half-truths that were more like lies. Lies that Quatre knew were there but thrust them aside so he could satisfy himself. Perhaps he should have taken care and moved with caution. Shifting towards love reverently and with the approach of the ever wary. But he hadn't. He couldn't undo that. But he had done it this night. Moved at what felt like a snail's pace to suit the needs of another. He had curbed himself, steeled himself and coaxed more from his friend than he could have imagined. Now they were naked and touching but moving away from each other.
Quatre gentled his kisses, made them soft and open for his lover to take advantage of. And advantage was taken. Quatre was pressed back into the mattress. A set of hips settled over Quatre's, fingers threaded and Quatre was kissed in a way that made him feel dizzy. Open mouth; hot kisses that pulled him out of himself. Quatre eyes had settled shut and then they opened. They faced head on the goal of the night and Quatre suddenly felt inadequate.
"Trowa," A pause and swallow and then he could continue, "First time doesn't always imply first choice." Quatre shifted his gaze away. He had all but told Trowa the whole truth. Supplements, replacements, intended to squelch the yearning had made Quatre hollow and in Trowa's mind they had stolen away something that should have been meant just for him.
A kiss was pressed to Quatre's temple and then Trowa smiled at him. It was small, tentative and quaked, just like the first kisses that night had but it was more than Quatre had expected. Quatre smiled back. His lips moved apart to speak but were put to another task when Trowa's mouth settled on his. That was romance. Quatre had bared himself to Trowa and Trowa had moved over him, to hide all the uncovered parts and to hold them in privacy so that Quatre would know they were important. Quatre knew that Trowa would hold them close and covered so that only he knew what they were, precious parts of Quatre that had come undone.
Quatre wound his arms and legs around Trowa to keep him close, keep Trowa wrapped tight inside him and away from everything. Quatre kept Trowa where they were the only two people in the world, a place where Trowa would know nothing but Quatre. Quatre, in turn, didn't care about anything but Trowa right then and held what was precious as close as he could.
Trowa moved against him in a suggestive way. Then Trowa moved against him in a way that was less suggestive and more explicit. It told Quatre exactly what Trowa wanted. It told Quatre the way Trowa wanted to fit to him and have Quatre fit around him. They twisted and shifted to make it possible. Rearranged themselves so Trowa could make Quatre ready.
"You're tense."
"I'm not."
"You are."
And Quatre realized he was. He couldn't stop his spread legs from shaking a bit even when he pressed his feet into the mattress. Even curling his toes to clutch at the sheets didn't make it better.
"I have a lot to lose."
Quatre couldn't stop the words or the way his hand flexed involuntarily around Trowa's upper arm.
Trowa paused what he was doing, a finger inside Quatre. A single finger tentatively touched Quatre's sack, gently traced the shape of it. Quatre shivered, his eyelids fluttered and he took a shaky breath. The touch came again, so did the response. The mobile finger shifted to Quatre's cock, tracing patterns and making Quatre shiver. The finger became two, then a hand and Trowa stroked him slowly a few times. Quatre lifted his head from the mattress and caught Trowa looking at him. Trowa was smiling and biting his lip at the same time. He was playing with Quatre, knew he had Quatre, and was enjoying it.
Quatre tensed slightly. Trowa stopped his hands and leaned over Quatre, posed to kiss him but by-passed Quatre's lips. Trowa's lips settled on the place behind Quatre's ear and pressed there. The kiss was soft and special, undemanding and intimate, Quatre relaxed. Trowa shifted back and took his hands away. Quatre propped himself up on his elbows to watch Trowa get more lube. The lube was everywhere, coating places that is was supposed to and accidentally smeared on places that didn't need it.
Instead of willing himself to relax, Quatre let his eyes slide shut and his head fall back. He shifted towards the things he liked and made encouraging sounds. He let himself feel everything Trowa tried and let Trowa understand what he wanted. Some how they ended up the way Quatre intended. Quatre shivering and groaning, Trowa thrusting and panting. Quatre pulled Trowa into him, as far in as he could take Trowa and Trowa came. Trowa kissed and touched Quatre, manhandled him and made him quiver. He tugged Quatre along after him and made Quatre fall apart.
Pieces of Quatre clung to Trowa and Trowa weighed Quatre down. He was pressed into the mattress and Trowa seemed unrepentant about the situation, he simply kissed Quatre and rubbed his face against Quatre's neck. Quatre shifted just a bit and pressed the same kind of soft kiss behind Trowa's ear. Trowa shifted into it, he chased Quatre's lips with his head not wanting to break contact. Trowa let out a hot sigh and deflated on top of Quatre.
They were sweaty, sticky and hot. Spent, undone and weakened, Quatre played with Trowa's hair. Hands were lazy and dragged heavily over skin. Reassuring kisses passed back and forth and friendly noises were made. After a while they separated then re-tangled themselves and settled into the bed together.
"It was wonderful."
Quatre didn't open his eyes. Trowa was resting his head on Quatre's chest and was gently rubbing the blond's stomach. Quatre stroked Trowa's back. A hand running from the back of his head to Trowa's tempting butt. It never hovered because things would have begun all over again and they needed time to digest everything. They needed time to separate themselves and then join together again. Quatre wrapped both arms around Trowa and kissed him on top of the head.
"I love you."
And then they kissed, came apart and together again.
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