by Anne
Author's notes: This fic is written for the Stages of Love LJ challenge – Stages of Grief – denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance.
Disclaimer: The Tomorrow People belong to Roger Damon Price, Thames/Tetra and ITV television. I promise to return the characters in one piece, more or less, when I'm finished, but hold no liability for any physical injury or psychological trauma sustained by them in my fiction. Alex belongs to Kevin and he's very possessive and overprotective so don't touch or even think about it.
[ ] indicates telepathy.
Thanks to: Linda and Misanagi for beta reading.
Alex glared at the phone when it rang. His mother had already made her point over dinner. He sighed. It was his and Kevin's first Christmas as a couple, and pretending they weren't together was not going to happen. Although Kevin hadn't said anything, Alex knew his mother had spoken to his lover in the kitchen, and had a fair idea just what had been said. He loved Kevin and she would have to learn to deal with it.
The phone kept ringing. Muttering under his breath, Alex picked it and spoke crossly. "I told you you're wasting your time, Mum. I love you, but this is my life, not yours."
A male voice answered. "Umm, I'm sorry, I think I have the wrong number. I'm looking for Kevin Wilson."
The man's accent was British, like Kevin's. Alex frowned, not recognising the voice. "No, you have the right place. I'll go tell him." He blushed. "Umm, I'm sorry for the earful just then. I thought you were someone else."
[Are you okay, love? Is that your Mum on the phone again?] Kevin called out telepathically from the kitchen. [I've made us a pot of tea.]
[No, it's for you. I'm not sure who it is.] Alex walked into the kitchen and handed Kevin the cordless phone.
"Hello, this is Kevin Wilson. How can I help?" Kevin always managed to sound so calm, although even he was struggling to hide his reactions by the time they had left the MacDonald's. Alex was sure it would be a while, if ever, before they would be invited for dinner again, especially after what he and his mother had said to each other. Days like this left no doubt as to whom he had inherited his temper from.
The tea was already poured and sitting on the bench. Alex helped himself to a cup, unsure as to whether he should leave the room and give Kevin some privacy. Kevin's reaction answered that question.
"How long?" Kevin had gone pale, his fingers clenching and then unclenching. Alex put down his cup and pulled his lover into an embrace. "Are you sure she wants to see me? She made her wishes in that regard perfectly clear when I left."
[Kevin? Are you okay, love? Who is it?] Alex interrupted telepathically, despite his initial intention not to. Kevin shook his head, and leaned back against Alex, seeking comfort.
"I see. We'll be right over." Kevin paused. "Yes, I'm still using them, but you knew that already." His voice was quiet, yet he couldn't quite disguise the hope in it. Or the anger. Another pause. "Alex. He's my partner." Kevin held the phone out at arm's length and stared at it for a moment before hanging up.
"Kevin?" Alex rubbed Kevin's back in soothing circles. Something was wrong. While Alex could have looked at his lover's thoughts, he waited, knowing that Kevin would say something when he was ready.
Finally, Kevin turned to face Alex. "I….My…" He switched to telepathy. [That was Dad. My mother is dying.]
Kevin knocked on the front door and waited. He knew he could have just teleported into the living room, but he no longer had that right. This wasn't his home, not anymore. Alex squeezed his lover's hand. Kevin smiled, although he knew it was a waste of time trying to hide how he was feeling. Alex always knew, would have known, even without their bond. [Thanks for coming with me, love.]
[You're not dealing with this alone, Kevin.] Alex shook his head. [You're going to need support and I'm going to be here for you whether they like it or not.] His fingers went to the dog tags around his neck, and he swallowed.
The door opened. Russell Wilson hadn't changed since the last time Kevin had seen him. Grey peppered the hair at his father's temples, and there were lines around his eyes, but five years wasn't that long, even though it had seemed like almost a lifetime.
"You came." Mr. Wilson sounded surprised.
"I said I would," Kevin replied. His father wasn't exactly pleased to see him, even though he had asked him to come. Alex coughed. "Dad, this is Alex. Alex, my father, Russell Wilson."
"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Wilson." Alex held out his hand politely. Mr. Wilson ignored it. Alex lowered his hand, his fingers again going to the tags around his neck. He was angry, and using them to ground himself.
"Alex is my partner, Dad. I expect you to treat him with respect." Kevin would not allow his parents to do this. If they wanted to build bridges they would have to do so within certain criteria. Kevin would meet them half way on certain subjects but Alex was not one of them.
"This is still my home, and while you are here, you adhere to my standards." Mr. Wilson glanced behind him. "I called you because I thought your mother needed peace before she died. She misses you, Kevin, and prays for your soul everyday."
"My soul doesn't need praying for." Kevin sighed. This was a mistake. Why couldn't they accept him for who he was? "I didn't come here to argue, Dad. I haven't changed, and I'm not going to play any of Mum's mind games or bargain with her until she gets what she wants."
"Would it really do any harm just to pretend for an hour or so?" Mr. Wilson sighed. "It would be the right thing to do."
Alex stepped forward, his arm sliding around Kevin's waist. The tags slipped out to hang over his shirt. "I think that's Kevin's decision, don't you?" He caressed Kevin through their bond. [If you want me to leave, say so.]
"Where did you get those?" Mr. Wilson was staring at the dog tags. Kevin had given them to Alex the night after he told his family they were together; they had originally belonged to Mr. Wilson's father.
"I gave them to him," Kevin interrupted quickly before Alex could. "I told you, we're together. He's family."
"Russell? Who's there?" Mary Wilson's voice carried down the stairs.
"No one, dear," Mr. Wilson replied. He went to shut the door. "I've changed my mind. This was a bad idea."
Alex put his foot in the door. "No," he said firmly. "This is Kevin's last chance to make peace with his mother. You're not taking that from him. You've already taken enough."
"Alex," Kevin protested.
His father shook his head. "Five minutes and then you leave. Upset her, and I'll throw you out." He glared at Alex. "Put those away so she doesn't see them, and only Kevin speaks to her."
This time Kevin shook his head. "I told you, Dad. No bargains." He held his hand out to Alex and together they crossed the threshold into the house that he had once hoped one day might be home again.
"It's very kind of you to support Kevin, dear." Mary Wilson sat propped up in bed, swaddled in blankets. She seemed very frail but her eyes were bright, and there was a strange formality between her and Kevin. So far, she had behaved as though Kevin visiting wasn't anything out of the norm, with no mention as to why he had left, or any apologies for the part she had played in that decision.
She also hadn't given Kevin a chance to introduce Alex properly, cutting him off mid sentence, and talking over him every time he tried. Kevin was getting frustrated and angry, but keeping himself under control. He wanted desperately to be accepted by his mother, but she would only see and hear what suited her.
"I love him," Alex said. "We support each other." He glanced at Kevin who smiled. [She's not listening to you.]
[She never has,] Kevin replied sadly. [If she believes something doesn't exist, it goes away. I tried doing what she wanted for a while, but that wasn't good enough either.]
Mrs. Wilson stilled. "You're not Catholic are you, Alex?" she asked suddenly. "I don't know what your beliefs are but I tried to bring Kevin up the right way and I don't appreciate lies being spoken in my home."
"The right way?" Alex ignored the look Kevin gave him. "And what would you mean by that, Mrs. Wilson? Denying who he is so you don't have to deal with it?" He sat down next to her on the bed. She needed to hear this, and should have been told years ago. "I don't tell lies. I love Kevin very much. We are together and you're going to have to deal with it." He paused, counted to ten in an attempt to calm himself, and then decided 'screw it'. "I'm also a Tomorrow Person like Kevin, and to answer your original question, I'm Catholic. But, that doesn't give me the right to judge someone else any more than it gives you."
"I am not judging him; I'm trying to save him from an eternity in hell." Mrs. Wilson glared at Alex. "I don't even know why I'm justifying myself to you. You stay away from my Kevin. It's bad enough that he wouldn't renounce these powers, but now you dare to drag him into a …." She floundered before spitting out the word, "homosexual relationship. I hope you realise what you've done."
"I know exactly what I've done." Alex's voice rose. "Kevin is a good man. He is kind and loving and you've hurt him. His abilities are part of who he is and there is nothing wrong with the love we feel for each other. He came here because, despite of how you've treated him, he still loves you, but you're not even listening to him. He deserves better."
"Alex, love." Kevin laid a warning hand on Alex's arm. [She'll hurt you. Please.]
[She already has.] Alex leaned over and kissed Kevin on the lips. "He's a Tomorrow Person. He's gay. Deal with it." He stood, sliding his arm around Kevin's waist. "I don't think Kevin's the one going to hell, Mrs. Wilson. Doesn't the bible say something about being judged by the way you've lived your life, and treating others as you would yourself?"
"How dare you!" Mrs. Wilson opened her mouth to say more, and then closed it again. "Get out of my house! I don't want to see either of you ever again. I tried to love you, Kevin, to hate the sin, not the sinner, but I can't do that anymore. You're not my son. Not any more."
Kevin sighed. "I haven't been for a very long time. I tried, Mum, I really did, but it was never enough. I am who I am, and Alex accepts me and loves me. I wish you could." He bent and kissed her on the cheek, ignoring the fact she tried to pull away. "Come on, Alex. We're going home." Holding out his hand, he pulled Alex closer, focused and teleported.
They materialised in their living room, Kevin's arms still around Alex. [I'm sorry, love], Kevin apologised. Alex should not have had to see that. It was too much of a reminder of his own mother's reaction, a confirmation of Kevin's fear of what he had done to Alex, what had been taken from him.
Alex shook his head, his fingers caressing Kevin's cheek. [You have nothing to apologise for. I lost my temper.] He looked down. "I've probably made things worse. I know you wanted to build bridges with her, with them. I think I just burnt them all to ashes."
"They did that themselves, my love, before I left." Kevin sighed. "I thought parents were supposed to love their children. I used to think they loved me." He disentangled himself from Alex's embrace. "Maybe she's right. I'm not her son; I don't deserve to be her son. I only wanted them to love me. I failed them and everything changed." Failure wasn't something he could risk again. This time the loss would be too much.
"You didn't fail them, Kevin," Alex protested. "They failed you. Love isn't supposed to come with provisos. Parents love their kids no matter what." He was angry.
Kevin had known taking Alex was a bad idea, but he had desperately needed the support and couldn't have handled arguing about it. Alex had been hurt enough today with the fiasco over Christmas Dinner. Maybe Mrs. MacDonald was right. In the month they had been together, Alex had lost more than he had gained, and Kevin wasn't sure he could ever put things right. They were bonded now, for life, and there was no going back.
"Reality doesn't always mesh with theory, Alex." Kevin shrugged, trying to sound casual. "I'm going to make some tea. Would you like some?" Without waiting for answer, he walked into the kitchen.
"Don't run from me, Kevin. Please."
"I'm not running. I'm making tea." Kevin turned the heat under the kettle, reached for two cups and stopped, staring at them, frozen. His hands were shaking.
Strong arms embraced him, pulling him close, Alex's breath warm against his neck. "It's okay to be upset, love. They hurt you." Kevin shook his head, but said nothing, couldn't bring himself to react. "Everyone makes mistakes, it's what makes us…." He stumbled over the word, "human. Your parents are fallible; they made a big mistake, and in doing so lost something very precious."
[I was the mistake, not them. It's only a matter of time before I do something again and….] Kevin stifled a sob, turned, and buried his head on Alex's shoulder.
[Kevin. No.]
"Yes," Kevin whispered. "It's only a matter of time. I love you, Alex, but I make mistakes."
Shaking his head, Alex kissed Kevin gently. "Would you stop loving me if I made a mistake? Of course not. I won't stop loving you. I already told you when we bonded that I knew you weren't perfect. I'm not your parents, Kevin. This will be different. I promise."
"Promise?" Kevin's voice was shaky; in asking he had already betrayed their love, already made his mistake.
"I love you. I promise." Alex tilted Kevin's chin up so their eyes met. "Till Death."
May was often chilly in New Zealand. Kevin pulled his coat around him as Alex opened the church door. It was a Saturday afternoon, two hours before the evening service, and St. Mark's was quiet. They would be alone, and have privacy for what they had planned.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Alex asked, pausing with the door half-open. It had been his idea, a way of seeking a closure of sorts that Kevin had not managed to achieve while his mother had lived. The cancer had progressed quickly, and although Mr. Wilson had not contacted them again, Aunt Ruth had kept them informed. Family was family she said, and they would always be hers, even if her sister had no sense or compassion left in her. In many ways Aunt Ruth had stepped into the position Mrs. Wilson had vacated, and had been more of a mother to Kevin than his own had ever been.
"It's something I need to do." Kevin managed a slight smile. "I think she would approve of this, at least."
"You don't need her approval," Alex reminded him. "You're living a good life, and you love and are loved. That's all that matters."
"Acceptance would have been nice." Kevin sighed, and followed Alex into the church, both of them genuflecting out of habit before walking down the aisle, even though they did not attend very regularly.
"You have acceptance, love." Alex reached into his pocket and retrieved a plain white candle. "Mine. You just need to find your own, but that will take time."
"I'm not sure I will find it," Kevin admitted. His mother had died a month ago, but he had not been able to face going to the church near his parents' home. There were too many memories and he couldn't risk meeting his father. This was a compromise, the church Alex's family attended, and it was Mrs. Wilson's birthday, a celebration of her life, rather than mourning her death. A way for Kevin to remember the good times, rather than to dwell on the bad.
"I have faith in you, Kevin. I believe in you. I always have." Alex smiled. "Forever is a long time. It takes as long as it needs to, and if it doesn't, it's the fact you tried that counts."
Together, they approached the altar by the statue of Mary, Mrs. Wilson's namesake. Alex handed Kevin the candle. Hands shaking, he lit it and placed it amongst the others, a light burning bright, keeping what was left of his hope alive.
"Happy birthday, Mum. Be at peace." Kevin knelt and made the sign of the cross, Alex watching him. This was something for Kevin; Alex was there for support and a reminder that his lover was not alone.
When Kevin had finished, he stood, feeling lighter than he had in months. And then, hand in hand, they left the church, to walk into the autumn sun.
Close window to return to Author's Index
Return to Dryer Space