by Anne
Disclaimer : The characters of Jade Weston, Megabyte Damon, Kevin Wilson, Lisa Davis, Adam Newman and Ami Jackson belong to Roger Damon Price, Thames/Tetra and ITV Television. So do General William Damon and Colonel Masters (who appear in name only)
Alex and Jamie MacDonald belong to me and should not be used without permission.
Telepathy is indicated by [ ]
Lisa looked around as she teleported into the spaceship. The phosphorus light reflected off the strange symbols on the walls the same way in real life as they did in her memories. Even though she'd tried to forget the ship, it had still been part of her dreams, impossible to completely forget, much the same way the other Tomorrow People had been. She felt the presence of the ship in her mind, welcoming her home as it had done that first time.
Her eyes sought him out first, before she even realised what she doing. He was leaning against one of the walls of the ship, his eyes following her the same way hers did him. He'd cut his hair. He'd cut that beautiful long hair. She looked at him again and decided it didn't look as bad as she'd first thought. The shorter length emphasised the lean outline of his face, the face that she'd spent hours trying to forget but at the same time forced herself to remember. He looked older of course, but then so she supposed did she.
So did all of them.
Lisa looked around the ship again, this time looking long and hard at the others. She'd been so busy trying to hide her shock from Jamie that she hadn't really taken in the changes. Kevin was the one who was really so obviously different. When she'd known him he'd been a child. Now he was a young man. He'd grown so tall, so wiry. Part of her mind found it hard to relate the Kevin in front of her with the boy he'd once been.
Megabyte was taller too, and had filled out. The young teenager was gone forever, though she doubted he actually acted like the man he now was. From what she'd seen earlier that day she doubted it very much. Even though he seemed a lot more subdued than he had when they'd first met all those years ago, part of her wondered how much of that was due to her reappearance. He moved to stand next to the blond British girl, Jade, and Lisa smiled to herself watching the body language between the two. Yes, Megabyte Damon had grown up, that was for sure.
"You must be Lisa." A pretty dark girl pushed past Megabyte and gave her a quick hug. "Hi, I’m Ami. It’s so nice to meet you, finally." So there was more than just one new Tomorrow Person since she'd left. Ami looked more similar in age to Megabyte than anyone and Lisa couldn't help but wonder how long the boys had been on their own before she'd stepped in to fill the gap. The gap that Lisa herself had left. 'It's so nice to meet you.' Lisa wished she could really believe that. Ami's multitude of tiny braids flew about her face as she gestured with her hands and Lisa noticed how enthusiastic she seemed. Lisa had felt that enthusiastic about being a Tomorrow Person once. Before Masters had ruined it, before he'd threatened everything she held dear.
Adam just stood there, unmoving. He looked at her with a sad expression in his eyes, almost as though he suspected what she was planning. Lisa felt her heart go out to him. Those large chocolate eyes had always melted her intentions. In truth that had been the main reason she’d disappeared all those years ago without telling the other Tomorrow People, or more particularly without telling him. She knew that once he gave her that look she'd lose her resolve much the same way she felt it crumbling now.
She forced herself to remember Jamie sitting at home waiting for her to check in later that evening. He didn’t know where she was of course, just that she’d had an errand to run. Lisa laughed inwardly, a laugh that reflected the anguish she was feeling inside. Is that all they are to you now? whispered an inner voice. An errand to run? Something else to discard as you cling onto that pretence of normality you’ve spent years building up around yourself?
Jamie. Remember Jamie. It would be so easy to forget him, to go back to how things had been before. Lisa felt a wave of guilt, tinged with sadness wash over her. Things could never go back to the way they were, of that she was sure. Too much water under the bridge. Besides, the reasons she had left in the first place were still there. They would always be there.
"Lisa. You look…well." Adam spoke at last, very quietly and calmly, but still unmoving. She reached out tentatively with her mind and tried to read him, but his mental shields were slammed down tight. Just like mine are, she realised ironically. You and I are alike in a lot of ways Adam Newman, so much alike.
"You promised us an explanation as to why you disappeared. Remember?" Typically Megabyte hadn’t forgotten what she had promised earlier. He hadn’t even let her get used to being at the ship, to being back with the other Tomorrow People. Lisa realised her assessment of him earlier had been right. Megabyte might be older, but his attitude, his directness, was still the same.
"It’s complicated, Megabyte. I told you that before. I was scared, I had to protect my mother. Masters threatened her. What if next time he had killed her? I would never have forgiven myself." Lisa spoke the words almost like a mantra. It was the same thing she told herself every night before she went to sleep. She'd had to do what she'd done. There hadn't been a choice.
Megabyte nodded. "I get that part, Lisa. He pulled a gun on Dad too." He came up beside her, looking her straight in the eye, and she looked away, unable to meet his gaze. I remember that, Megabyte, she thought. It's different for me though. It was your father's job. He knew the risks, my mother didn't. She didn't understand. "That still doesn’t explain why you just disappeared without telling us. We’re all in this together. We’re all Tomorrow People."
Lisa corrected him before he went any further with that particular argument. "You're all Tomorrow People, Megabyte. I’m not a Tomorrow Person, not any longer. I decided that a long time ago."
The young girl, Jade, looked shocked as her eyes flitted between them. She stepped forward for a moment, and then seemingly changing her mind, stepped back again sitting herself on one of the bench seats against the wall. "Why would anyone want to stop being a Tomorrow Person? How can you even think such a thing, Lisa? Don’t you think about all the stuff we can do, how we can make the world a better place?" How could she be so naïve? Surely she'd been part of the group long enough to understand the risks. Lisa sighed. The poor kid was in for a hard ride. Sooner or later everyone learnt about life the hard way. If it was only about making the world a better place, didn't Jade think she would be still here?
"There’s another side to all that, Jade," Lisa tried to explain. "What about the danger we put the people in that we care about? Is it really fair on them? I’ve seen that side and it scares me." It still scares me.
"We’ve seen that side too, Lisa," Adam still hadn't lost that quiet tone but Lisa could see he wasn’t convinced. Adam had always seen the good side of everything. He had a very definite view of right and wrong. He seemed to think it was their job to protect the world from the growing evil within it. She for one didn’t want the job of protector of mankind. Not when it put others’ lives in danger. Others she cared about. Her mother.
"It can be really hard when your family isn’t behind your decision." Kevin spoke quietly, from where he was leaning against one of the consoles, but the tone in his voice made Lisa wonder if he was speaking from experience. She thought she felt a sense of sadness coming from him, but only for such a short instance that she wondered if she'd imagined it.
Why was Kevin of all people trying to support her? She had worried for months afterwards about how her leaving would have affected the younger boy. The two of them had felt a connection when they had broken out very soon after each other. He and Megabyte had saved her from Galt’s machine too, she remembered. Strange how all those buried memories were resurfacing. She’d put that part of her life behind her and tried to forget it had ever happened. She hadn’t even used her powers until she’d seen them in the Forest Park earlier that day. Well apart from the odd bit of teleporting when she’d been running late. Okay…Davis, you’re not perfect. For all intents and purposes, and in the ways it actually mattered, she wasn’t a Tomorrow Person now. She was a normal human being and that’s what was important. It was the belief she’d clung to all these years, what had kept her going. If she was normal no one could use her to hurt the ones she loved, to hurt her mom…
Ami nodded, and Lisa noticed the annoyed look she was giving Megabyte. She was glad she wasn't on the receiving end of it, much as she was glad of the support. "I’m still not convinced how happy Mum is about me being a Tomorrow Person. Sometimes I get the impression she still thinks I’ll grow out of it. It’s not a subject we tend to discuss very often. If we do we end up arguing. She reminds me about the amount of trouble you guys have dragged me into and I remind her how important some of that ‘trouble’ is. I remind her of how many people we’ve helped, how many people we’ve saved." The discussions that Ami had had with her mother wouldn't have been the same as those Lisa had had with hers, as much as Ami would like to think she could relate to what she'd been through. She wondered how much of that trouble Ami's mum had seen first hand. Her mom had been introduced to the concept of the Tomorrow People and the barrel of a gun at the same time. It hadn't been a good combination.
Megabyte coughed, obviously having heard enough as he shot a glare in Ami's direction. "I can see where Lisa is going with this and I don’t buy it. What gets me is not so much the fact that Lisa disappeared. Well yeah that does get me, especially after everything we went through together with Masters." Lisa shuddered. That everything as you put it is still gives me nightmares, she thought.
"What gets me," he continued, his eyes seeming to increase in brightness as he shifted his glare from Ami and addressed Lisa directly, "is that you disappeared without telling us. Dad offered to help. At least then we would have known you were okay. Have you any idea how hard that was? It was months before we gave up trying to find you, tried to stop imagining what could be happening." It was months before I could stop wondering if you guys were okay too, Lisa remembered. True, General Damon had offered to help, but if he'd known where she was, others could have found out too. What if someone had threatened the others to find her? Would the man have given up his own son to protect her? Lisa doubted it and she wouldn't have blamed him. She had also known there was no way she could have put him in that position. She couldn't tell Megabyte the real reason she hadn't taken up his father's offer. It wouldn't help the situation now one little bit.
Jade reached out and gave his arm a squeeze, and a look flashed between them before she added in her two cents worth. Yes there was definitely something going on between Megabyte and the younger blonde British girl. "Look, Lisa, this is all in the past. You’re back and that’s what counts. We know you’re okay now. Things can go back to the way they were before you left."
Lisa shook her head. Naïve much, Jade? One look on Adam and Megabyte’s faces told her a different story. Both of them had been hurt badly, as had Kevin. Each was coping with it differently, but she knew the damage she had done. Damage that could never be repaired. At least Kevin seemed to understand where she was coming from, seemed to be able to relate to it but when it came down to it she had to wonder if even he would be able to forgive or forget.
"Forgive or forget?" exclaimed Megabyte, his face turning red. "You just don’t get it do you? You’ve decided that you don’t want to be a Tomorrow Person anymore and to hell with the rest of us. You can’t just walk away and pretend it didn’t happen, Lisa. It doesn’t work like that. The idea's a load of crap and you know it."
"Have you even listened to a word I’ve said?" asked Lisa, feeling the anger rise. Megabyte wasn’t even trying to understand her point of view. In fact she was sure he had just rudely eavesdropped on her thoughts too. But still, she hadn’t really gotten to know them properly all those years ago. The only one she had really gotten close to had been Adam. She would have liked to but…
"Maybe if you’d stayed more than five minutes you could have." Megabyte sounded as angry as she felt. "You didn’t even give me a chance to get to know you before you up and left. Maybe if you’d given the rest of us a chance instead of thinking you knew everything..."
"That’s not fair and you know it!" Lisa was beginning to think she hadn’t missed much not getting to know him better. The guy was so tactless! And hadn't General Damon ever taught him anything about manners? The last time she'd looked Tomorrow People didn't eavesdrop on each others thoughts without permission.
Adam positioned himself between them, finally moving away from where he'd been standing all this time. "Guys, " he pointed out. "A screaming match isn’t going to help anything. Neither one of you is trying to listen to the other's point of view." Poor Adam. Still trying to be the leader, still trying to make things right. It was too late for that now. Too late for everything to go back to the way they'd been before.
"I thought I was being very reasonable about the whole thing. I wasn’t the one who left." Megabyte's voice started to rise in volume and Lisa didn't have to be a Tomorrow Person to feel the anger coming from him. Didn't have to be a Tomorrow Person? Back five minutes and she was starting to think like one of them again. She had to leave now before either of them said something they'd regret later, before she lost her resolve to do what she had to.
"Megabyte…" started Kevin, the hurt in his eyes evident as he looked at his best friend and then back at her. Poor Kevin. He didn't deserve this. They were going around and around in circles, with no one winning. Lisa had been involved in arguments like this before and she knew where they ultimately led. Nowhere. She didn’t need this at the moment, she really didn't.
"I can see I made a big mistake trying to come back. Luckily I only came to say goodbye." Lisa avoided the other Tomorrow People's gazes before continuing, focusing her eyes on the view through the window above the bench where Jade was still seated. She knew how Adam in particular would be taking this.' I didn't mean to hurt you like this again, but I don't have a choice. Can't you can see that?'
She needed to do this before he had a chance to say anything. Before he had a chance to tell her to stay.
"Goodbye."
The word sounded so cold and unfeeling. If only they knew how much this was hurting her. She knew how much she was hurting them.
Lisa closed her eyes and readied herself to teleport, pleased that she couldn't see their reaction. She had to leave before any of them got an inkling of how she was really feeling, how much this was killing her to do this to the people she cared about. Before they had a chance to see the tears welling up, before the dam of emotions she’d hidden all those years burst.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Adam.
I’m sorry….
"Megabyte, that was rude." Jade sounded very annoyed, and she had every right to be. Obviously Lisa’s disappearance had affected the redhead more than he'd ever let on, and her reappearance had caused all those buried feelings to come straight back up to the surface and out in anger. Still it didn't make it any easier to watch, or decrease the feel of the after effects.
"Adam, are you okay?" Ami asked. The Australian had leant against the central column of the ship and grown silent as Lisa had said her final words and disappeared out of their lives again. Adam was hurting. Kevin didn't need to be empathic to sense that. His friend's shields might be strong but one look on his face had given away exactly what he was trying to hide.
Adam smiled a small slow smile that said he was anything but. "I will be," he said. "The trouble is I can see some of where Lisa is coming from. I don’t agree with what she’s done but I can understand why she’s done it. When someone you love is in danger, you don’t always act rationally. You don’t always do what you should." A shadow swept across his face momentarily and was gone.
Adam always had to try and see the good side of people and come to their defence, even when it was killing him inside. He might have been trying to justify Lisa's actions as much to himself as to the rest of them but he didn't really believe what he was saying. Adam wasn't as good an actor as he thought he was. Judging from the emotions coming from the other Tomorrow People, no one was buying it. Adam always tried to fall back on platitudes but unfortunately things were too far gone for those in this situation. Kevin grimaced as he realised how cynical he'd become over the last few years. His initial excitement about being a Tomorrow Person hadn't lasted very long, especially once a few home truths had hit home. Being different wasn't always as much fun as people liked to make out.
"Yeah but you’ve got to think of the big picture too," pointed out Megabyte, still staring at the spot where Lisa had been standing moments before. The American was calmer now, but still far from losing his initial anger. He blushed. "Okay maybe I did come on kinda strong back there." Kinda strong? Understatement of the century.
"Kinda strong?" asked Ami, echoing his thoughts. "Come on, Megabyte, you practically drove the poor girl away." She shook her head in disgust and rolled her eyes upwards as if to accentuate what she was saying. "Mr Tactful strikes again."
"Gee thanks, Ami. Lay on the guilt trip, why don’t you?" Megabyte glared back at her for a moment and then settled himself down on the bench next to Jade, leaning back against the wall his eyes half closed. Oh great, just what they needed, another round between Ami and Megabyte. Even though Ami was right, this wasn't the time or place for this. Kevin could see Megabyte was hurting but he was far more worried about Lisa and Adam. You would've had to be blind to miss the way the two of them had been looking at each other.
"Maybe we need to look at this from Lisa’s point of view," He told them, trying desperately to get the conversation back on track. Why was he so determined to stick up for Lisa? Maybe it was because he'd been there. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. "I know what it’s like to have to choose between being a Tomorrow Person and not being a Tomorrow Person."
"But you are a Tomorrow Person," Jade sounded puzzled as she tried to understand what he was getting at. Jade had been lucky, the way her mum had just accepted the whole TP gig. Kevin felt a slight pang of jealousy sweep over him, not for the first time, but ignored it.
"That’s because I decided it was more important to me than other things in my life. Maybe Lisa couldn’t make that same choice I did. I gave up my family to be a Tomorrow Person. She couldn’t." The words were out of Kevin’s mouth before he even thought about what he was saying. He’d never told the others why he’d disappeared from their lives for a period of time. He’d never told them why his family had suddenly decided to take an extended working holiday overseas. Overseas. So that he would be as far away from the others as possible before they made him choose. Of course at that stage his mum had still been convinced it was just a case of taking him away from the friends who were trying to fill his head with rubbish. She had been going to make him choose between reality and fantasy. She just hadn't wanted to believe just how real that so called fantasy had been.
Adam gave him that patented look of concern he used when one of them was in trouble. The 'I don't understand, but how can I help look,' that Kevin knew so well. "You gave up your family? Kevin, what do you mean? I thought you decided to stay with Aunt Ruth after your family shifted away." You make it sound so easy, Adam. I decided? If only it had been that way, if only things had been that simple.
Kevin corrected him, trying not very successfully to keep the emotion out of his voice. "My parents, or rather my mother decided that if I couldn’t give up being a Tomorrow Person then I wasn’t part of their family anymore. She seemed to think that that whole thing with me being bitten and nearly dying from that mutant mosquito was a punishment for me having my powers." That was the simplified version of what his mum had said. The actual words she'd used were going to haunt him for the rest of his life. He'd thought she'd taken the news okay at first. Not really okay to be honest, but that she would be able to live with it. She'd given him a while to ponder the 'error of his ways', as she'd put it, lulled him into a false sense of security and then hit him with the ultimatum. Still he wondered if maybe she hadn't really believed up to that point. Up to that point when he'd insisted months later that she had to see what he meant, had to see his powers in action. That he wasn't just telling her a fairy story. Every time he'd tried to explain properly or show her before that, she'd just change the subject and not wanting to upset her any more than she already was, he hadn't pushed it.
"That’s crazy," pointed out Megabyte, watching Kevin closely. Crazy? That was one word for it, he supposed. Parents were supposed to support their kids, not turn against them. They weren't supposed to make them choose like that.
"You’ve met my mum. You know what’s she’s like. I never told her about my powers until that affair with Culex. After all I had to tell her something when I came out of the coma. Aunt Ruth seemed to think I should." Kevin shook his head as he remembered the look on his mother’s face when he'd eventually demonstrated his powers to her. The fear he picked up from her, as she watched him teleport. She was scared of him, scared of her own son. Aunt Ruth had no idea her sister was going to react that way, no idea of all. Looking back the whole denial thing should have been a clue, but Aunt Ruth hadn't seen what was really coming any more than he had. She'd tried to take Kevin's side and argue on his behalf but Mary Wilson hadn't listened. Poor Aunt Ruth, she'd been so convinced that telling his parents had been the right thing to do.
"You mean she thought it meant you should give them up?" Adam seemed shocked. "She made you chose between being a Tomorrow Person and your family? Did you try to explain that being a Tomorrow Person is part of who you are? You can’t just give it up." Try telling that to his mother. Kevin wondered, not for the first time, if Adam's own family knew about his powers, about who and what he really was. He doubted it.
"I tried explaining it, tried till I was blue in the face. I told her I had responsibilities, that I couldn’t just switch them off. Even if I didn’t use them, they’d still be there." Kevin shook his head sadly. "When she started screaming at me and calling me evil I left. I wasn’t going to hang around for the spawn of the devil speech I knew was coming next. I haven’t been back since." The hardest thing to take had been his father's reaction the whole time his mum had been ranting on at him. His father, whom he'd thought he had a good relationship with, had just stood there and said nothing. He hadn't even tried to stand up for his own son. When push had come to shove he'd just stood there, in his wife's shadow as usual. He'd been so worried about keeping the peace he'd just let Kevin leave. He hadn't even cared, or if he had he hadn't shown it. His father had made a choice that day too, and it hadn't been the one Kevin had been expecting.
He glanced around the ship, taking in the shocked faces of the others. Megabyte was sitting upright now, a look of disbelief on his face. He had an arm around Jade to reassure her, as her distress at what she was hearing became obvious, their argument of earlier that day seemingly forgotten. Adam's posture had visibly slumped even further than when Lisa had left, the expression of shock still on his face. Ami was trying to reassure him with one of those soft smiles of hers as he felt her mind brush against his own. She was trying to find out how he was coping, really coping with what he'd just shared. "I’m not saying that Lisa’s mother said that to her. Just that when faced with a choice like that, not everyone makes the same one. Besides I’d known you guys longer I guess. I knew I had your support. Lisa had just been through all that stuff with Masters threatening her mother, I hadn’t." And now he was sounding like Adam, trying to make excuses for her. Lisa, why couldn't you have made the same decision I did? Because she had a mother who cared about her and he didn't. That's what it boiled down to, of that he was sure.
Jade pulled away from the American and threw her arms around him. "Oh Kevin, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know." Of course Jade didn't know, she wasn't a mind reader. Kevin grinned in spite of himself. Somehow that saying didn't have quite the same ring to it that it was supposed to. Adam wasn't the only one who hid things under strong mental shields. They all did that, to a certain degree. They seemed to need to, to survive. What would happen if they couldn't? Even though they were telepaths the thought of sharing everything including all his fears completely scared him the same way he was sure it scared all of them.
"It was a while ago now, Jade. I’ve come to terms with it, honest I have." Who was he trying to kid? He'd never come to terms with it. Still, she didn't have to know that, did she? It might be in the past, but for part of him, it would always feel like yesterday. Kevin gave Jade a small smile of thanks before continuing. "I guess what I’m trying to say is that we need to show Lisa that whatever her decision was or is, we’ll be there for her. We mightn’t like her decision but she knows where to find us if she ever changes her mind."
Adam finally seemed to come to life, moving away from the column he'd just about been glued to since Lisa's departure, a hesitant look on his face. "Are you sure you’re okay, Kevin? I mean do you mind if I…?"
Kevin nodded. He knew what was coming next, as he was sure they all did. "Go after her, Adam. I’ll be fine. After all I have friends here. Lisa has no one."
He watched as Adam initiated the teleport, following the psychic trial Lisa had left barely ten minutes before. Go after her, Adam. The Tomorrow People were a family, Kevin had had that feeling reinforced since he'd returned to the fold. They'd welcomed him back without question, and just believed the reasons he'd given for his absence. They could do that for Lisa too, he was sure. She had to know whatever she'd done in the past, whatever her decision had been, it wasn't too late to come back. At least if she didn't return, Adam would know he'd tried to convince her, wouldn't spend the rest of his life wondering what if. He needed to do that, if he was going to get through this, whatever way things turned out.
As Megabyte cleared his throat, Kevin could feel the growing feeling of guilt coming from his friend. He was obviously regretting some of what he’d said. They were all guilty of that to some degree. That was one of the things about being human. Funny how they still thought of themselves as human even though there were a lot of people out there who didn't.
"I hope she listens to what Adam has to say," Megabyte put Kevin’s own thoughts into words. She'll listen, Megabyte. But whether she actually takes any notice and really hears it, that'll be the thing.
The redhead shrugged as three pairs of accusing eyes met his own. "Hey I can’t be perfect all the time…After all I’m still hanging out with you guys aren’t I? You okay, Kev?" I'm trying to be, Megabyte.
Kevin nodded. "Sometimes I just wish that things were different that’s all. Life sucks sometimes, you know?" And it didn't get any easier to deal with as time went on. It didn't matter how much he tried to forget, those memories were going to haunt him. Even though he knew he'd made the right decision, it didn't make the hurt go away. Nothing could do that. He just had to pretend to move on, pretend it was in the past where it belonged. He'd become very good at pretending since becoming a Tomorrow Person, a bit too good in fact.
Ami moved over from where she'd been leaning against the far wall and put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. As Megabyte and Lisa had started talking or rather arguing she'd moved away from them, watching the sea swirling outside the ship. It was almost as though she wasn't sure she should interrupt, wasn't sure what to do exactly.
Kevin sat there for a moment just enjoying the telepathic presence of the others and of the ship, all giving their unspoken support in their own way.
Megabyte grinned as he broke the silence. "If the world didn’t suck we’d all fall off."
Kevin groaned. He knew he could count on his friend to throw a bad joke in there somewhere. "Remind me why I’m still a Tomorrow Person again someone?"
Watching his friends, his family, it wasn't an option. They were all in this together and he wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, it had been hard to walk away from his other family, but he'd make the same decision if he had to do it again too. In his mind there hadn't been a choice. How could he even consider leaving people who actually cared about him?
As he watched Megabyte duck as the girls threw mock punches at him, Kevin’s thoughts went back to Adam. If anyone could reach Lisa, it would be him. Bring her back, Adam, he thought. Help her to make the same decision I have.
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